CS Lewis, Daniel Linehan & holistic recovery from illness

>> Monday, September 16, 2013

I just wanted to share a few not-related thoughts I've had over the past few days.

1. Friday night, after attending Daniel's show at Velocity, I came home feeling extremely sick. Excruciating headache, dizzy, light-headed, and nauseous (from the dizziness and light-headedness). It was bad all through Saturday, almost felt like an extreme caffeine headache + other seemingly random symptoms. Add on my ear infection(s?) and you'll see I was miserable.
Since then I am mostly better; what remains (aside from my ear stuff) is light-headedness when I stand or move too fast.
I've ascertained that what's going on is not just one thing, but a co-mingling of things and how the interact with one another. Adrenal fatigue, suppressed immune system, extreme anxiety brought about by changing life circumstances and meeting up with old dear friends, dehydration, and exhaustion. And my ear stuff being a symptom of a wider fungal infection.
The remedy? Lots of sleep. Compassion for myself. Caffeine (yes, I said it.). More whole foods (I'm already on board with this). More time spent in silence and journalling. MORE WATER. MORE YOGA. A rigorous anti-fungal herbal and homeopathic regimen. Continuation (as funds permit) of my adrenal tonic. Snuggling with Owen. Letting go of my attachment to any particular outcome at work.

2. Being able to hang out with old friends on Friday night was pretty awesome. And watching Daniel perform Not About Everything was even more so. I'm so impressed with this piece, and can't believe how poignant it is. I'd try to describe it here, but I know it wouldn't make any sense. Being present with it is the only way to truly experience it; the youtube videos do not do it justice.

I thought during the first piece, holy shit I like performance art. I remember in undergrad I tried so hard to understand, to enjoy contemporary dance or performance art, (especially during my feminist art programs; remember Mary Kelly's "Post Partum Document"?) and I just couldn't. Try as I might, I could not give a shit.
Even during my first year at Evergreen studying modernism, I was repulsed. I could get on board conceptually/intellectually, but my visceral response was horror. Just remembering Stravinsky's Rite of Spring, or God forbid, Martha Graham's performance of Appalachian Spring is enough to give me shivers.

But as an adult, I am moved beyond words. I've literally spent hours on youtube watching Marina Abramovic videos, blown away. And Daniel's piece is like this. I was moved to tears, and I haven't yet found the words to express why.
There is one thing I am sure of: Daniel is the real deal. His work is a big thing, and I am convinced future students will read about him in textbooks.

3.  This morning I was compelled to read some of On Grief, a series of excerpts from the works of C.S. Lewis. I was so moved by this, I wanted to share it with you all. The following is excerpted from "A Grief Observed" in the collection:
I know that the thing I want is exactly the thing I can never get. The old life, the jokes, the drinks, the arguments, the love-making, the tiny, heartbreaking commonplace...It is a part of the past. And the past is the past and that is what time means, and time itself is once more name for death, and Heaven itself is a state where 'the former things have passed away'...

Talk to me about the truth of religion and I'll listen gladly. Talk to me about the duty of religion and I'll listen submissively. But don't come talking to me about the consolations of religion or I shall suspect that you don't understand...Reality never repeats...That is what we should all like. The happy past restored.

And that, just that, is what I cry out for, with mad, midnight endearments and entreaties spoken into the empty air.


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